


Honey, you are the sea upon which I float

by jdalex



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-07 20:23:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdalex/pseuds/jdalex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Harry and Liam travel around Asia, feelings ensue, and things get difficult when they make it back to London.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neontrains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neontrains/gifts).



> This is like an AU that's not really an AU ??? The band is still together but on a break type thing.
> 
> Title credit goes to "Green Eyes" by Coldplay.
> 
>  

Harry thinks, if anything, alcohol is the culprit behind all of this. He’d been lit up one night, talking Liam’s ear off as he does when he drinks when the idea of leaving London and just seeing the world dropped itself into his head. He was drunk so of course it sounded like a good idea, everything sounds like a good idea when gin is involved.

Liam, on the other hand, wasn’t drunk, had barely finished his first beer and Harry had barely gotten out the countries he’d like to see before Liam was pulling him in and kissing his cheek and telling him what a great idea it was.

Two weeks later and they’re at their first stop, some little bar just off the coast of Sri Lanka. It was Liam’s idea.

_Everyone goes backpacking through Europe, we live in Europe, let’s go somewhere we haven’t seen._

Harry was just happy to be leaving London, it didn’t much matter to him where it was they went.

He looks across the bar, watches the waves crash against the beach and stares out toward the endless ocean laid out in front of him. His thumb swipes across the droplets of water cascading down his beer bottle, the smell of sweat and salt heavy in the air and he can feel the way his legs are starting to stick together where he’s got his knees bent up enough that his calves and thighs touch.

The man behind the bar doesn’t speak a word of English and Harry feels like he’s playing an endless game of charades but he’s managed to get himself three beers and some crisps so things can’t be all that bad.

Liam comes out of the bathroom then, face crumpled up in what Harry would deem disgust and Harry tries to keep himself from laughing till he’s at least heard what Liam’s in a fuss about.

“There’s no toilets.” He whispers, sounds a bit accusing actually. As if telling Harry off is going to make them magically appear. “I took a wee down a hole and go some on me and I don’t even know if it’s mine!”

Harry’s starting to shake with laughter now, lips pressed firmly together because it would be rude to laugh when Liam looks so absolutely scandalized. 

“No soap either, of course, and the running water looks about as rusty as the sink it was coming out of.”

“Maybe,” Harry says after he’s composed himself a bit, Liam was looking about ready to hit him if he’d actually laughed. “You should just go jump in the water? Salt water’ll clean you right up.”

“And what if I get stung by a jellyfish?”

“Then you can add my pee to the list of pee that’s been in contact with you today.” Harry’s up and out of his seat before he finishes what he’s saying because he knows Liam.

Sure enough, Liam charges after him and Harry makes a B line straight for the water’s edge. Liam catches Harry at the last second, force knocking them both off their feet and sending them into the shallow water.

Harry laughs, spurting water when Liam purposefully shoves his head underwater but comes back up still laughing.

“You’re insufferable.” Liam mumbles, running a hand through his short hair to get rid of the water. “And you look like a drowned poodle.” Liam betrays his tone though, laughs at the end and gives up the façade of actually being upset with Harry.

“Heyyyy.” Harry whines, “I bet I’m the sexiest drowned poodle you’ve ever seen.”

Liam stands and pulls his soaked shirt off before offering a hand to Harry. “Not in the least.”

+

It’s a few days later and the pair of them have stumbled up the coast to India, they’re in a town that practically dances on the border of Bangladesh and Harry’s finally broken down and downloaded an interpreter app because Liam swears his hand gestures are just going to get them killed.

“Well good news is I got us a room.”

Liam crosses his arms across his chest and trains his face into his stern don’t-fuck-with-me-Harry look, “…and what’s the bad news?”

“It’s only got one bed.”

Liam huffs a chuckle and lets his arms fall to his sides, “Could be worse.” He murmurs, smirking slightly before Harry attacks him. He wraps his arms around Liam’s shoulders and is trying but failing to the get them both to jump.

“Bunk buddies!” he shouts, twirling around Liam like a five year old and Liam can feel himself start to blush because of the looks people are giving him.

Somehow or another Harry talks Liam into visiting the national forest just down the road and they spend the whole day wandering through a forest with a group of people they don’t understand, sweating through their shirts and taking ridiculous pictures. It seems only logical to spend their evening cooling down at the hotel bar.

 “This was the best idea you’ve ever had Hazza.” Liam says around the lip of his beer.

“The pub?” Harry starts, “Nah, that’s just cuz I really like beer.”

“Noooo,” Liam moans, swaying a bit even though he’s sitting. “This.” He gestures wildly between the two of them and then the room and Harry still doesn’t understand, alcohol fogging his coherent brain. “Going away. Leaving London and having adventures, best idea.” Liam takes another drink, “Best idea ever.”

Harry chuckles, watching Liam out of the corner of his eye because it’s been a long time since he’s seen Liam this drunk.

He relaxes back against the booth and let’s Liam’s words wash over him. It is nice, being away, not having commitments, not having to deal the pressure and stress of fame. Sometimes he wonders what his life would have been like had he not pursued singing, what it would be like to be normal and where he’d be. It’s not that he doesn’t love his life and every wild and crazy thing that comes along with it. It’s just sometimes the _what if_ sneaks up on him.

He’s shaken out his thoughts when Liam kicks him from under the table, “Stop thinking so hard you’re killing my buzz.”

Harry smiles, “Sorry, just tired. Wanna head up to the room?”

Liam nods, throws back the rest of his drink before standing and linking his arm with Harry’s and letting Harry lead the way up to their room.

The bed’s big enough, not some little single thank god. That doesn’t stop Harry from cuddling up to Liam anyway. Liam’s used to it though, likes it tonight especially because he’s drunk and likes being hugged and cuddled when he’s drunk.

“You’ve got nice hands Haz.” Liam says after a bit, plays with Harry’s fingers from where he’s got them splayed across Liam’s chest because he’s octopused himself to Liam’s back. Harry hums in response and nuzzles into the back of Liam’s neck.

It works like a connector in Liam’s brain from there on out. Goes from just Harry’s hands to his fingers to touching and rubbing and thinking and before Liam’s really caught up with where his mind is going he’s turned himself around in Harry’s arms and has his lips pressed against Harry’s.

Harry gasps and Liam can’t bring himself to move anymore because he’s drunk and may have definitely just crossed a line but then Harry’s kissing him, tentatively and this is the direction his dick wanted things to go.

He’s half hard already, just thinking about Harry’s hands was enough. He’s a bit too drunk to actually do something about it however, is pleased enough to just lick into Harry’s mouth and run his fingers down Harry’s ribs to feel him shiver.

Harry’s the first to pull away, panting for air and Liam busies himself with sucking on that mole at the base of Harry’s neck.

“Liam,” Harry says, rather moans as Liam’s teeth dig into his skin, “You’re drunk.”

Liam hums because he’s very aware of that fact but that doesn’t mean he wants to stop and he surely hopes that that doesn’t mean Harry wants to stop.

“We shouldn’t –” Liam bites him again just to hear him stutter over his words, “should just go to bed.”

“One more kiss.” Liam bargains because he really liked kissing Harry, would like to continue to do so and hopefully do it again in the future. He doesn’t really give Harry the option to rebut because he’s got his lips against Harry’s in no time and Harry doesn’t even bother trying to fight it. Melts into Liam’s touch and nips at Liam’s bottom lip.

There are tiny noises coming from the back of Harry’s throat that Liam’s really interested in and it doesn’t take long for him to realize Harry likes being grabbed, likes his hair pulled and by the time they’re breaking away to breath Harry looks properly disheveled.

Liam’s fully hard now and it isn’t difficult to guess that Harry is as well but neither them bring attention to it. Harry merely folds himself against Liam’s side, tips his hips up just keep his cock from rubbing against Liam’s hip. Liam’s a bit disappointed in that because he’d be fine with Harry rutting off against him.

Save for another time perhaps.

+

Harry’s mind is hazy when he wakes, sunshine streaming in through the window where they forgot to pull the drapes last night.

Last night.

 _Oh_.

It comes flooding back in a flash, dams breaking and the memories downpour into his thoughts. The feel of Liam’s hands on his waist, the taste of him on his tongue, the smell of alcohol strong around them both. Liam was drunk, so drunk, and Harry’s not entirely sure he would even remember everything that happened.

He glances over his shoulder and is shocked into sitting up when he finds himself alone. His heart picks up speed so fast he feels faint. It isn’t until he notices the note on the night stand that he feels like he can breathe again.

_Downstairs for breakfast, come eat with me when you wake sleepyhead :)_

He gets caught up in the covers as he scurries out of bed, tripping over his feet as he pulls on a pair of jeans and slings a shirt over his head. He’s half way down to the lobby when he realizes it’s one of Liam’s plaids.

He finds Liam at a table in the corner, nearest a window and plops down beside him with a sigh of relief. Liam’s reading a paper he can’t possibly understand and it isn’t until Liam turns it over for Harry to see that he understands.

“Look,” he murmurs.

They catch eyes and Harry watches as Liam’s face changes, expression giving away that he’s working through a thought before he asks, “S’that my shirt?”

Harry flushes, feels the heat sit on the apple of his cheeks and shakes out his hair to try and cover it. Liam laughs though, “Looks good on you.”

He smiles at the compliment but looks down at the paper quickly to stop his mind from looking for a deeper meaning behind Liam’s words.

He can’t read the headlines but he sees what looks like him and Nick and Aimee off on holiday in the Caribbean. There’s another picture of a man that looks like Liam off strolling through London.

There are more pictures scattered of the rest of the boys but those are actually Louis, Niall, and well there’s none of Zayn because if anyone is the master at disappearing acts it’s Zayn.

“Looks as if our trail of fake breadcrumbs worked.” Liam winks, smiling so wide his eyes crinkle.

They’d wanted to go on this excursion as unnoticed as possible. Leave it Louis’s ingenious mind to come up with the idea of imposters. Harry looks again, the fake Nick looks quiet convincing, Aimee could use some work but there’s no real good picture of himself or his fake self he should say. Same goes for Liam, all the photos are rather blurry and a bit distorted but if he didn’t know better he’d buy it.

 “Was thinking we could go snorkeling today, if you’re up for it?” Liam continues.

He either doesn’t remember last night or is pulling off the best _if I don’t talk about it didn’t happen_ act Harry’s ever seen. Which is fine with Harry, really, he’s never really hooked up with a friend, well besides that one off with Nick but Nick’s a whole different breed compared to Liam, so he doesn’t know what he would have done if Liam had wanted to talk about it anyway.

“Yeah that’d be great.” He smiles, pushing the paper away before heading over to the breakfast bar to get something to eat.

+

They spend four hours out in the ocean, taking in the breathtaking views of coral and sea life they’d both only ever seen in film or magazines. Harry buys a t shirt that says _I’ve snorkeled India_ while Liam picks up a book that talks about all the creatures they saw and then some.

“Did you know the Blue Devil can change its color from blue to black to help it hide when it’s scared?” Liam asks, nose buried in the book as they bounce along in the tour bus that’ll take them back to their hotel.

Harry hums, nodding along with Liam’s mumbling but he’s a little too focused on the heat radiating from his shoulders down to wear his trunks rest along his hips. He’s going to look like a lobster tomorrow. It isn’t until Liam gasps that Harry gives him his full attention.

“What?”

“Green Turtles are on the endangered list! I – remind me when we get back to London to look up charities for endangered animals.”

Harry bites his lip to stop himself from smiling. Leave it to Liam to be worried about the turtles.

+

By the time they’ve gotten back to the hotel, Harry’s sunburn is noticeable.

“Harry you’re toasted. I’ve got some aloe vera in my bag.” Liam says, eyebrows raised in a question.

Harry hisses when his trunks rub against his back as he starts walking but he nods, “That’d be great Li.”

“Come on,” Liam gestures, stopping in front of Harry and crouching slightly. “You can barely walk, get on my back and I’ll get us up to the room faster.”

Harry wants to argue because he’s not some damsel in distress that needs Liam and his white horse but the thought of walking up four flights of stairs like this is rather daunting. He sulks the whole way up to the room and definitely doesn’t notice how much he likes the feel of Liam’s hands under his thighs or the way Liam’s back muscles feel against his chest as he carries Harry up the stairs. Nope, doesn’t notice in the slightest.

Somehow, as soon as they cross the threshold into their room Liam transforms into mother hen. He sets Harry down gently and instructs him to lay face down on the bed and he’ll rub aloe vera onto his back. Harry does as he’s asked, listening to Liam tinker around the room and jumps slightly in surprise when the cool touch of Liam’s fingers come in contact with his overheated back.

Liam crouches over Harry carefully, rubbing on the liquid softly. It’s nice, the press of Liam’s fingers into his back and the cooling relief that follows. Liam starts humming, _Green Eyes_ Harry can tell. He doesn’t know how it started but it’s a song Liam refers back to whenever he’s comforting Harry. The association is obvious but the meaning isn’t, never really has been.

At first Harry just assumed, a song about green eyes and he has green eyes. But now, after knowing Liam for so long and after what happened last night Harry’s questioned if maybe there was another meaning, something else Liam was trying to say. He’d never ask of course, too sacred to be wrong to actually go through it but it’s an idea that sits at the edge of his thoughts, something he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to shake.

Somewhere between him thinking too much and Liam singing softly and rubbing at his back, he falls asleep. He dreams of warm beaches, sand between his toes, and soft brown eyes.

He wakes hours later, in the middle of the night to the hum of the air conditioner and the quiet snores of Liam lying next to him. The room’s freezing, he can feel the goosebumps on arms but it feels so good on his back. Liam’s wrapped up under the covers, has all but his head covered and has thrown the extra over Harry’s legs and even tucked his feet in. The gesture alone is enough for Harry to smile, endearment fluttering in his chest as he watches Liam sleep, feeling content and it doesn’t take long for sleep to find him again.

+

It’s a few days later when the pair travel to Nepal. Liam had always wanted to see Mount Everest and he was finally getting his chance. Harry had put his foot down though when Liam had suggested they actually hike it so instead they were traveling to the Shigatse Valley where the mountain is not only clearly visible but could be witnessed from a relaxing natural hot spring.

“All right Haz, second best idea you’ve ever had,” Liam breathes as he sinks down into the warm water.

Harry smiles, liking Liam’s praise because he was about ready to pull a tantrum if Liam had seriously insisted they’d hiked. Harry hates saying no, it’s actually almost physically impossible for him and Liam knows that, Harry’s just glad Liam didn’t use it against him this time.

A waiter comes over a few minutes later and before he can even say a word Harry’s holding up two fingers, “Um, two –” he looks over at Liam, “It’s _bir_ right?” Liam chuckles but nods and Harry turns back to the waiter. “Two birs.”

The waiter looks unimpressed, “Firstly, I do speak English, mostly everyone here does, secondly, _bir_ is Indonesian for beer. Beer is beer in Nepali.”

Harry can feel himself heating up and it has nothing to do with the water he’s currently up to his chest in. Liam’s absolutely cackling behind him and Harry wouldn’t mind hitting him in the balls right about now.

“Finally, is there any specific kind of beer I can get you?”

Harry stutters with embarrassment and it’s Liam who has to finish the order, “How about something local? Maybe a brew you would suggest? Surprise us?” Liam says with a smile and the waiter goes off to fetch them their drinks.

“Why didn’t you correct me?” Harry hisses, splashing water at Liam’s face.

“Because one of my favorite pass times is watching you embarrass yourself.”

+

“Let’s go to Thailand next.” Harry says as he twirls his glass of rum and coke in his hand. He’s a bit drunk but they’ve been drinking all day so he thinks that’s as good of an excuse as any.

Liam’s next to him nursing a vodka/red bull, “Yeah,” he says, “I’ve never been there but I’ve heard it’s beautiful.”

“Good, good, Thailand next then.”

The tiny pub they’re at is relatively quiet, the soft lull of the speakers plays in the background, clinking of glass sounds out every now and then as the bartender fiddles around with empty glasses and bottles.

“How’s your back?” Liam asks, winding his hand around Harry’s shoulders and rubbing up and down along his spine. The touch makes Harry shiver and in turn makes his voice quiver when he answers.

“S’good, just uh – just starting to peel now.”

Liam hums, burying his head his Harry’s neck and taking a deep breath in, “Good, glad my Hazzy is feeling better.” He nips at the skin at the base of Harry’s neck again, over that mole, knowing from the first time how much Harry likes it, and the sharp pinch of Liam’s teeth goes straight to his cock.

“You like that don’t you Haz? Biting?” Liam asks. He’s got a hand on Harry’s thigh, rubbing and teasing and going higher and higher.

Harry takes a swig of his drink quickly, trying to get a hold of himself. He nearly spits it out however as Liam finally cups the obvious shape of his hard dick through his jeans.

“Yeah,” Liam murmurs, “I thought you liked it.”

He latches onto his bottom lip in hopes to keep himself silent because the bar is quiet but that doesn’t mean it’s deserted. Liam’s mouthing at his neck again, warm breathe washing over his collarbone. “Come on.” Liam says suddenly, pulling Harry up and out of the booth and toward the back of the bar where the bathrooms are.

“Liam are you crazy?” Harry asks, stumbling along as Liam practically drags him into the men’s.

“Come on Harry.” Liam says, pushing him up against the door, “We’re on vacation, we’re supposed to be a little crazy.”

Harry can’t stop himself from whining into Liam’s mouth when Liam ruts up against him and he can feel where Liam’s hard and wanting.

Something finally snaps in Harry’s mind, he stops lying to himself, stops trying to find a reason for this not to happen and pushes his lips hard against Liam’s. He knows they shouldn’t, they’re both drunk and they’ve haven’t even talked about the first time this happened but Harry wants this so damn bad he can’t bring himself to question Liam.

Liam rocks his hips up, sending a feeling up Harry’s body that makes his eyelids flutter. His jeans are tight around his cock, constricting and uncomfortable but he’s scared that if he moves to much Liam is going to stop entirely and that would be on a whole new level of disappointing. Liam drops his hand down to reach at Harry’s arse, lift his thigh up and wrap it around his waist. Harry quickly does the same with the other, wrapping his long legs around Liam and letting the thrill of Liam holding him up turn into pure arousal.

He’s panting into Liam’s neck now, kissing is too hard to focus on with the delicious friction his cock is getting. Liam dips his fingers between them to undue Harry’s fly and Harry feels if it weren’t for Liam already holding him he’d have collapsed.

“Don’t have to,” he whispers, doesn’t have the mindset to make complete sentences but Liam shakes his head.

“No I want to touch you Harry.”

He’s already close, cock aching with the need to come and when Liam gets a hand on him he gasps, stomach muscles jumping. Liam slides down his length before working back up and collecting the tiny bit of wetness at the crown to make his slide easier on the way down.

“Won’t last.” Harry says, clutching to Liam’s shoulders. He wants to shut himself up because he can hear what he sounds like, strung out and desperate, but he’s lost control of his mouth.

Liam shifts his hips under Harry to support his weight more and glances between them, sees how ruddy Harry’s dick is, fat and heavy in his hand as he picks up the pace. He ruts subtly against the underside of Harry’s thigh but his own release isn’t at the forefront of his mind right now. 

Harry’s moans grow louder then, arms and legs locking around Liam and Liam’s mesmerized as he watches Harry’s slit open and pulse out come. Liam keeps pumping, watches as more come spills out across his hand and onto Harry’s pants.

Slowly, Harry’s legs loosen and Liam sets him down carefully, making sure Harry can actually support his own body weight before letting go.

“What do you want?” Harry asks, voice harsh after his orgasm.

“Can I – turn around?” he mumbles.

Harry understands easily and rests against the door. His jeans have slipped under his arse, underwear clinging sweetly to his cheeks. He hasn’t bothered tucking himself away either and Liam undoes his own jeans so there’s just a thin layer of their boxers between skin on skin contact. He wraps his arms around Harry’s middle and ruts up against Harry’s crack.

Harry groans, forehead pushed against his forearm and Liam sponges kisses across his neck, biting every now and then as the feeling of Harry’s arse against his cock eats him alive.

It doesn’t take much really, watching Harry get off was enough to push him to the edge and he comes in what seems like seconds, spilling hot and wet into his pants and gripping to Harry for dear life.

They both slump against the door, panting wildly, minds fuzzy but sated and sleepy.

Harry stirs eventually, pushing Liam off his back and pulling his pants and jeans back up. He groans when he realizes there are very obvious come stains around his zipper but if he keeps his shirt untucked it’s long enough to cover it.

They finally manage to leave the bathroom after a bit of fixing up but they still looked as fucked out as they feel. Luckily it’s a short walk back to their hotel.

Harry stripes down as soon as the door to their room closes, too drunk and tired to care about anything else. Liam shuffles around for a bit, presumably to find some clean underwear but Harry climbs under the covers naked, the soft sheets a welcome feeling to his exhausted body. Liam crawls in shortly after and with a quick good night kiss to Harry’s shoulder they slip off to sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry expects it this time, doesn’t question when Liam doesn’t bring it up. He _wants_ to, don’t think differently, but feelings are hard and he doesn’t even know what it is he wants to talk about. It’s all rather confusing.

He stays mum none the less.

The flight to Thailand is quick, considering they’ve both been on a plane for over 24 hours, three hours is a walk in the park. It’s dark when they land and the lights of the city are mesmerizing. Liam had called ahead and booked them a room and there’s a little shuttle waiting for them when they get out of the terminal. The ride is quiet, which, well the flight was quiet, really the whole day has been quiet.

Harry hates it, the silence making his leg jiggle, his ipod battery is red from being in use all day, and he’s bitten off so much of one of his fingernail it’s started bleeding.

Getting to the hotel, checking in, and even going up their room seems off, distorted, as if he’s in another reality. As if he’s looking through a glass and is too far away to actually feel anything, even Liam, he feels like he’s miles away and no matter how much Harry wants to reach out and touch he can’t.

“’m gonna shower,” he mumbles after he drops his bag on his bed. His bed. There are two beds. That hurts more than he’d like to admit.

His eyes are blurry around the corners as he gets into the shower. He cranks it to high heat, needing the hot water to hopefully wash away the feeling that’s settled itself on his heart. He lets the water beat down his shoulders for a long while. He may have cried but he can’t be sure.

He hates himself for getting in such a tizzy over this, it was a onetime thing, and it wasn’t like Harry had never had a one night stand before so why should this be so much different. It shouldn’t be throwing his whole life into a tail spin.

He’s pruney by the time he gets out, and when he reaches over to rub his hand at the mirror so he can see, his eyes are blood shot. He still doesn’t know if that’s from crying or just the hot water and steam. Either way he doesn’t care.

He steps out of the bathroom with a towel tight around his waist. Liam’s on the hotel phone, hotel information book in his lap and as Harry walks over to his bed he notices Liam’s bag sitting next to it.

He wants to call Liam out on it because why has his bed become the communal luggage rack? He huffs instead, eyebrows furrowed and lips set in a permanent pout as he rummages through to find some clean underwear.

Liam finally hangs up and since Harry had turned his back on him as he got dressed he startles when Liam’s fingers dig into his hip. “Ordered about twenty different plates of food cause I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“Why’s your bag on my bed?” Harry blurts out, unable to filter his thoughts because it’s seriously annoying the hell out of him.

Liam falters for a moment, looking a bit confused and turns Harry around to look him in the eye. “Cause you put your bag there first. I assumed that just because there are two beds that it wouldn’t change us sleeping together? But I mean, if you’d rather have your own space that’s – cool.”

“Oh.” Harry says dumbly, looking back over at the luggage and he suddenly feels like a giant twat. “I thought – what with the two beds that you wanted –”

“I couldn’t get a one bedroom. They’re sold out tonight.”

“Um – oh.” He manages, rubbing at his cheeks, heat sitting heavy on his face and he’s never wanted more than to crawl under a rock and hide.

“You’re a bit of a twat sometimes you know?” Liam says but he’s laughing, nuzzling into Harry’s neck and that helps.

“I know. I just – you’ve been really quiet today and –”

“I’ve been quiet? You’re the one that’s had his stupid headphones in all day.”

Harry pouts, “Music makes me feel better.”

“And why weren’t you feeling good?”

He feels another wave of embarrassment roll over him, “Cause you weren’t talking to me.” He sighs before turning to wrap his arms around Liam and return the hug, “I’m a twat.”

“S’a good thing I like your company.”

They gorge themselves that night, dining on curry and shrimp and pasta and the best rolls Harry’s ever had. They slip into somewhat of a food coma after, bellies full – perhaps too full – and cuddle up on the bed to watch a movie on one of the local channels.

“I’m gonna have a food baby.” Harry says from where he’s got his head rested on Liam’s chest. “You’re the father.”

Harry feels Liam laugh and all but purrs as Liam scrubs his fingers along Harry’s scalp. “What shall we name it?”

“Tom.” Harry says and Liam’s quiet, Harry can practically hear him thinking. It takes a second before Liam’s scoffing.

“You’re an idiot, naming our baby after a damn soup.”

“Well it’s a _food baby_ , I figured it’s only fitting.” Harrys says, nipping at the meat of Liam’s chest.

Liam’s got him pinned so fast he damn near suffers whiplash, “Your jokes are terrible.” Liam says before leaning down and pushing his lips against Harry’s. Harry doesn’t retort, not that he doesn’t want to, he’d just rather bury his fingers in Liam’s hair and pull him closer.

+

They’re slow getting out of bed the next morning, passing up on the early tour of the Grand Palace, settling instead for the one later that afternoon. They slip in and out of sleep, waking only to lazily kiss along the other’s throat, shoulders, and spine.

It’s a sunny day, the clouds of yesterday have passed and Harry watches as the dust particles swirl in the rays. Liam’s fingers are idly dancing on the sparse hair below Harry’s belly button before traveling higher and tracing the outline of his moth tattoo. Harry thinks, if it were possible, its wings would have fluttered.

“What if we didn’t go back?” Harry asks, eyes flicking up to look out the window.

“Have to go back babe.” Liam says, lips dragging against the skin of Harry’s arm where he’s pressed.

“Don’t _have_ to,” Harry argues, “we don’t have to do anything.”

Liam’s hand stills on Harry’s stomach. “What are you on about?”

Harry shrugs, rolling on his side and away from Liam. “Maybe I like this life better than the one back in London.”

The bed shifts as Liam sits up but Harry doesn’t turn to look at him. He tucks his hands up under the pillow under his head and pulls his knees up toward his chest. Liam doesn’t say anything, sighs twice though and Harry thinks that might be worse than any spoken word.

“’m gonna shower.”

Harry nods into the pillow.

“Tour of the Palace is in two hours.” Liam says before slipping off the bed and heading into the bathroom.

His heart is heavy again, feels like it did last night in the shower and Harry doesn’t remember when he became so invested in Liam, in this trip.

It’s coming to end, their traveling, Harry can feel it. Although there’s really no dire need for them to be in London anytime soon he knows it’s about to run its course. Harry clutches harder at the pillow under his fingertips, holding on to it as if he’s holding onto the few days, _hours_ even that he knows he has left of this.

+

Seeing the Grand Palace should be amazing, it should take his breathe away.

It isn’t and it doesn’t.

The air between them has shifted and Harry knows it’s all because of what he’d said this morning. Liam’s pleasant, Liam’s _always_ pleasant, but Harry knows he’s just humoring him and he fears that when they get back home it’ll be like what’s happened between will disappear, like sand slipping through his fingertips; it feels almost impossible to hang onto.

They spend another two nights in Thailand before heading south and staying in Cambodia. It’s stunning, absolutely breath taking and for a moment it helps Harry forget.

“We should have come here first.” He says, looking out over to the ocean and its golden beaches and lush palm trees. The air is warm, sticky with humidity and it’s hanging onto his skin. Liam’s next to him, hands on the railing of their hotel deck and he’s smiling so wide Harry fears his face might crack.

“Yeah, we really should have.”

They slip back into silence then, listening to the waves break against the sand and the laughter of people on the beach.

Harry wants to ask so many things, wants to know what this means to Liam, if anything. He wants to know where they go from here, if things are going to be different once they get back to London or not.

“Wanna go out tonight?” is what he manages. He wants to kick himself for being so cowardly.

“Was thinking we could stay in tonight, wanna head down to the water for a while now though?” Liam says and that works for Harry. There’s a bar on the beach he can see, and liquor sounds like much needed medicine right about now.

They spend a few hours down on the beach, Harry mostly drinks strawberry daiquiris because not only are they delicious, they’re strong as hell and he’s properly buzzed half way through.

There are two attractive girls just down a ways that Harry notices have been watching them since they stumbled down here in their swim trunks. Liam chats them up a bit and in some strange sequence of events they wind up playing chicken fight where the waters just about to Harry’s chest.

The girl on his shoulders, Jenny, is fit, well fit and he knows that but he can’t stop himself from watching the way Liam’s muscle strain as he walks and keeps balance of not only himself but the girl on his shoulders. All in all it’s the reason he and Jenny lose.

The girls invite them to catch up at the bar later and when Liam agrees easily Harry has stop himself from pouting. The blonde, the one Liam had on his shoulders, Harry can’t remember her name for the life of him, is obviously attracted to Liam and Harry almost wants to wrap his arms around Liam and stick out his tongue at the girl to claim his property. But that would be crazy and Harry’s not crazy.

As they turn to head up to the room, Liam wraps his arm around Harry’s neck and pulls him in, “Was just being polite, I think they’re both starfuckers.” He says and that lightens Harry’s mood.

When they make it up to their floor Harry’s thinking about calling up for room service as Liam unlocks the door. It’s not that he’s particularly hungry it’s just quite late in the evening and they haven’t eaten supper yet. Liam however, seems to have a different idea. Harry’s barely heard the door click shut behind him before he’s being pushed up against the wall and has Liam’s lips on his.

“Liam,” he gasps, want flooding through his veins so fast it makes his head spin.

“Know how good you looked all wet with all your tattoos Haz?” Liam says, licking along the column of Harry’s throat.

Harry’s mind is racing, thoughts overwhelming him because he thought this was never going to happen again and – it might not, this could be it. He’s not thinking clearly now, not weighing out how bad of a decision this could be but he doesn’t care. It’s no longer the alcohol that’s bogging down his brain. “Fuck me.” He says, firm and determined.

Liam pulls back, eyes dark with arousal. “You sure?”

Harry nods immediately almost impatient now. “Yea, I want you to.” He slips out of Liam’s grasp and goes to his bag, digging through for the lube he knows is buried in the left pocket.

“Harry.” Liam starts but stops, still standing dumbfounded by the door.

“Li come on.” Harry’s practically begging now. “Please.”

That seems to stir something inside Liam because he’s moving now, but cautiously, “Have you ever… before?”

“Yeah, once or twice.” _Once._

Liam’s eyes are sincere now and Harry almost hates it. He wants Liam to be dizzy with desire like he is.

“I just – I don’t want you to think that I’m – I don’t know. Using you or –”

“Liam it’s just sex.” The lie sounds convincing to even his own ears.

“Okay,” Liam nods, and Harry doesn’t waste any more time, he doesn’t want Liam to get the chance to think his way out of this. He pushes the bottle to Liam’s chest and strips off his trunks, settling down onto the bed and spreading his legs as Liam carefully kneels between them. 

Liam’s eyebrows are furrowed, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he slicks up his fingers. Harry plants his feet firmly on the bed to give Liam more room and the hand he had resting on the sheets instinctively curls into a fist as the first cool finger slides in.

His eyes have slipped shut and as he lets out a shaky breath he opens them to find Liam staring at him. He nods, knowing Liam’s looking to make sure Harry’s okay and Harry’s more than okay, euphoric seems to be the only word that truly fits.

Liam starts out slow, stretching Harry carefully before drizzling more lube onto his fingers and pressing in two. Harry’s back arches when Liam’s up to his knuckles. A moan punches itself from his throat and he shivers when Liam runs a hand up his leg.

“Fuck Harry.” Liam murmurs. Eyes sweeping over every inch of Harry as his body starts rocking back against Liam’s fingers.

“Feel – feels so good.” Harry whines.

“Another?” Liam asks, voice shaking as Harry starts nodding vigorously.

“Please,” He says and if Liam were in any other state of mind he’d comment about how polite Harry is when he’s got two fingers up his arse.

Liam works in a third finger and with his other hand, reaches down to squeeze at the base of his cock. Harry’s so hot and tight, velvet smooth and it’s slowly cracking his self-control.

Harry’s thighs are starting tremble, hole clenching down like he’s trying to keep Liam’s fingers there forever. Liam’s chewing on his lip so hard he’s sure he’s broken the skin but he can’t find it in himself to care with the way Harry’s moaning.

“’m ready.” Harry says, sounding a bit drunk, words slurring as he reaches down to clutch at Liam’s wrist. “Please, Liam, fuck me.”

“Yeah,” Liam stumbles off the bed and rids his trunks as he hops into the bathroom. Harry’s whining at his disappearance but it doesn’t take long for Liam to find the condom in his toiletry bag. He rips the packet open with his teeth, less of an act to look sexy and more so because his fingers are covered in lube. He kneels back on the bed as he rolls it over his cock and grabs for the bottle again.

He slicks himself up as he tosses the bottle off in some forgotten direction and looks up to lock eyes with Harry. “Like this?” He asks, “would be easier on you if you’re on your hands and knees.”

Harry shakes his head against the idea immediately however, “No wanna see you.”

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

Harry shifts his hips up, wrapping his long legs around Liam’s waist as the blunt head of his cock nudges at Harry’s hole. He pushes in slowly, watches Harry’s eyes squeeze shut as he sinks in.

All the breath in Harry’s lungs comes rushing out of him as if he’d been punched as Liam finally bottoms out. There’s a burn where he’s being stretched, a sting that’s racking up his spine and he hates that he can feel tears welling up.

“Harry.” Liam mumbles, lips brushing against his cheek and Harry wants to open his eyes but the tears would be obvious then and he doesn’t want Liam to know he’s uncomfortable. “Are you okay babe?”

Harry nods, not trusting his voice and turning his head to bury his face in the crook of Liam’s neck. “You’re just – it’s a lot.” He says finally.

Liam kisses along his throat before reaching between them gently and thumbing at the slit of Harry’s cock. Harry gasps wetly into his neck, hips hitching up to chase the feeling and Liam can feel him relax just the tiniest bit and he can’t stop his hips from grinding tiny circles.

“You can,” Harry says, “if you want.”

“Not till you’re ready.” He promises, kissing the cursive G on Harry’s shoulder.

“I am, I’ll be okay.”

Liam’s still a little hesitant but shifts his hips, settling his cock in as deep as he can go and Harry’s whispering encouragement into his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s good.” He slurs, lost in the pleasure that’s finally starting to ebb away the pain. “Come on Liam, harder.”

Liam plants his hands on the mattress, hovers over Harry’s body as he starts snapping his hips forward hard and the harsh slap of skin on skin sounds around the hotel room. Harry moans appreciatively, head thrown back against the pillows as his hips start to chase Liam’s every time he pulls back.

The air surrounding them is intoxicating, heavy with the smell of sex and sweat. Harry’s eyes are blown when he looks at Liam, green giving way to almost all black and Liam feels lost in them. He can’t stop himself, he surges forward to capture Harry’s lips with his own and he moans into Harry’s mouth when Harry’s lips part and he swipes his tongue along Liam’s bottom lip.

It’s a rush, something sweeping over him in tidal waves, an exhilarating gust of emotions and feelings. He breaks away from the kiss then, words bubbling up from deep in his chest, “Maybe I like this better than London too.”

Harry’s chest heaves at Liam’s words, raising and falling so harshly that when he breathes in it’s as if every single one of his ribs is visible. He reaches between them quickly, taking hold of his cock and working over himself with a quick, strong grip.

Liam puts all his efforts into his thrusts then, knocking wildly against Harry as Harry jerks himself off. He shifts back onto his knees and pulls one of Harry’s legs and lifts it up so it’s resting on his shoulder.

Harry shudders as he thrusts in next, almost violently so, whining high in the back of his throat as he pushes back greedily against Liam’s cock. His hair is matted down against his head, wet with sweat. He’s lined with it in fact, Liam can see the sheen of it across his chest, makes the birds glisten under the dim light of the room. He can feel it under his fingers where he’s got them pressed into Harry’s hips and thighs. Liam wants it on his tongue, wants to know what it tastes like, if the wet skin of the birds tastes different than the skin of his hips. He wants to trace the outline of the moth with his tongue.

As he finally glances up he can practically see it written across Harry’s face that he’s said his desires out loud. Harry’s eyes are wide open, trusting and inviting Liam in. Almost as if they’re saying _you can if you want_.

It’s that thought that pushes him over the edge. He cries out as his orgasm shakes through him. His eyes squeeze together so harshly he can see stars exploding behind his lids and something akin to a strangled moan tears itself out of his mouth.

Harry moans from beneath him then, as if Liam’s orgasm set his off. Liam’s eyes snap open and he watches as Harry chokes on a gasp, spurting come over his fist and onto the wings of his moth. He continues to pump himself slowly, cock kicking out come until he’s finished and exhausted, slumping back into the sheets with a long sigh.

Liam pulls out slowly and watches as Harry’s fingers come down to trace through the mess on his tummy. He reaches for Harry’s wrist quickly and pulls it toward his mouth. Harry’s eyes go wide and Liam hums around the taste of Harry’s come on tongue.

Liam gives a dirty smirk in return and as Harry’s hand falls to his side he feels his spent dick give a tiny twitch of interest.

Liam shifts off the bed, tying off the condom and tossing it in the garbage as he as heads to the bathroom. Harry waits a beat, and when the sound of the shower running starts he sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face before reaching to the nightstand and grabbing some tissues.

He’s too spent to properly clean himself and although Liam left the door open he’s not sure he considers that an open invitation to join him in the shower. Instead he curls up under the covers, his arse is a bit sore he realizes as he moves but if anything it just spikes a tiny pinch of arousal low in his gut.

He’s on the verge of sleep when Liam finally slips under the blankets. He positions himself carefully, loosely wrapping an arm around Harry’s waist. Harry doesn’t have the energy to let Liam know he’s still awake so he simply falls under the impression of being asleep. Liam’s breath washes over his shoulder, he’s close enough that Harry can almost feel his lips but he never presses them closer, settles down against the pillows and blankets instead. Harry stops himself from feeling disappointed and instead focuses on the words Liam had said, let’s them play over in his head until he’s drifted off to sleep.

_Maybe I like this better than London too._

+

The sun breaks too early for Harry’s taste and like every other morning they’ve spent away from London the curtains are wide open. He drifts in and out of sleep, cuddled up with one of the spare pillows and it isn’t until a little past ten that he finally rolls onto his back and stretches out his muscles. He’s alone in bed and that’s not something out of the ordinary, Liam’s most likely downstairs for breakfast.

Harry twists over to the other nightstand and reaches for – a piece of paper that isn’t there. His eyebrows pinch and he looks over to his side of the bed but there’s no note on that table either. He sits up quickly, body aching from moving so fast and he looks around the room.

Realization washes over him like an icy bucket of cold water being thrown in his face. Liam’s bag is gone, Liam’s shoes are missing, he scampers up and into the bathroom and Liam’s toiletry bag is gone. He trips over himself in his haste to get to the pair of shorts he was wearing yesterday and digs out his phone.

Blindly he searches for Liam’s number and presses the green call button quickly.

It goes straight to voicemail.

Harry hiccups as the tears sting his eyes and reaches for the hotel phone. Hitting the zero button he waits for the front desk to pick up.

“Hello Mr. Styles.” A cheerful voice on the other end greats him.

“Hi.” He forces his voice to stop shaking, “I was wondering if you could tell me what happened to the man that was staying with me, if you’d seen him this morning sometime?”

“Mr. Payne? Oh yes he was down here early looking for a shuttle to the airport, had said it was time for him to head home.”

His bottom lip quivers, tears spilling past and with a soft “Thank you.” he hangs up.

Liam’s left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mad props to [Kat](http://helloimthedoctor.tumblr.com) for being awesome


	3. Chapter 3

Harry doesn’t remember falling asleep. He remembers crying, he remembers feeling like his heart had quite literally been ripped from beneath his ribs. His eyes are dry now, no more tears could possibly fall if he wanted them to. The ache in his chest hasn’t subsided though.

It’s late evening, he can tell by how dark the room is but he doesn’t bother with the lights. His stomach growls and he feels weak with how hungry he is but he can’t possibly face the hotel staff in the state he’s in.

He doesn’t know what to do, where to go, who to turn to. Should he go back to London? The thought of traveling alone crosses his mind but it’d be too hard to have started this with Liam and continue on without him feels wrong.

He’s stopped shaking, his nose isn’t running anymore and he thinks now he’d be able to at least form proper sentences. He reaches across the bed to where his phone sits and thumbs it unlocked. Liam’s name stares back at him from his most recent calls and it takes all his willpower to not press call.

He scrolls down a ways and only stops when he finally sees the name he’s looking for.

“Bout time you call me you asshat.” Louis’s voice rings out and for a tiny moment it makes Harry smile.

“Sorry Lou.”

Louis must hear the way his voice cracks, Harry can see him in his mind’s eye, sitting up, eyebrows bunching together as worry etches itself upon his facial features. “Whoa, Harry are you – what’s wrong?”

Harry takes a deep shaky breath before answering, “Liam’s gone.”

“What do you mean gone?”

“He left me!” Harry yells, anger flaring from deep in his gut. “He left me alone in Cambodia and as far as I know he’s flown back to London.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Harry what happened?”

“I don’t know Louis! Everything was fine last night and then I woke up this morning and he was just – gone. No note, I tried to call but his phone went it straight to voicemail…”

“All right Haz, calm down. Come home. I’ll get your flights fixed up and we’ll work this out when you get back to London.”

Louis does as he says, sets up flights for him and despite his best efforts he’s stuck on a one stop flight in South Korea of all places.

It’s long flight home, a long layover in Seoul, a long time for Harry to be trapped in his head. He can barely keep himself from breaking out crying in the middle on the plane, his music doesn’t even sooth him.

He feels close enough to a living zombie by the time he’s getting off the plane. Louis’s waiting for him, arms wide open and Harry practically falls into them. Eleanor is with, but stays quiet as the three of them make their way out and head for the car. She has an empathic look on her face and Harry gladly accepts the hug and kiss from her.

Louis crawls in the backseat with Harry as El takes the wheel and Harry’s glad that he can rest against Louis’s shoulder, makes him feel safe.

“You haven’t heard from him?” Harry asks, and he can feel Louis shake his head before he speaks.

“No, the fucker’s still got his phone turned off. He’s hiding from us, from all of us. The coward.”

“Louis!” Eleanor scolds from the front seat.

Louis sighs but backtracks nonetheless, “Right right. We shouldn’t judge Liam until we know the full story. There are a number of reasons for why he did what he did and proper judgment will be placed when we know what it is.”

Harry can hear Eleanor hum in satisfaction.

Louis leans into more into Harry and whispers so only he can hear, “Fucking tosser if you ask me.”

It shouldn’t make Harry smile, bad mouthing Liam like this but he’s hurt and it’s a good feeling to have your best friend on your side.

The rest of the trip to Louis’s is quiet, Harry may slip off to sleep but that can only be blamed on Louis running his fingers through Harry’s hair. When they do pull up, Eleanor makes no move to get out and it’s Louis who’s shuffling around to get Harry’s bag.

Louis whispers a soft _thank you_ and _love you_ and that’s when Harry realizes Eleanor isn’t coming up.

“No, Eleanor you can come up,” Harry says, laying his hand softly on her shoulder.

She smiles at him, “It’s okay Harry, you two go talk and I’ll swing by later to cook dinner.”

“A fry up?” Louis asks from where he’s standing on the sidewalk and Eleanor nods, “Of course.”

Harry musters a smile and leans to place a kiss on her cheek, “Thank you El.”

She nods again and Harry just catches the tears brimming her eyes when he pulls back, “I don’t want to hate Liam until I know why he left you but he better have a fucking stellar reason or I’ll kick him.”

Harry’s heart swells and it’s in that moment that he’s reminded as to why he loves Eleanor so much. She’s just like Louis. “Love ya El,”

“Love you too Haz.”

“You two look like you’re about to kiss and I’ve laid down rules, that only happens if we’re all naked and judging by the copious amount of clothing that’s currently off limits.”

Harry snorts a laugh, shaking his head, and slipping out of the backseat.

Once inside, Harry throws his stuff in Louis’s guest bedroom. Whether he’ll actually sleep in there is still up in the air.

Louis makes tea and throws fuzzy blankets on the couch and Harry’s made his own makeshift cocoon when Louis brings him his tea.

Louis pries, just a tiny bit but it’s enough for Harry to fully open up. He tells Louis everything, every little detail from the first day they landed, Liam huffing about possibly having someone else’s pee on him to the very last night. The things he’d said and the things Liam had said in return. He’s crying by the time he’s finished, having just reopened a wound that’s nowhere near healed.

He’s curled into Louis’s chest now, a place he has a feeling he’s going to be spending a lot of time and Louis’s cooing softly, rubbing his hands up and down Harry’s back.

“I just,” He sniffles, hiccupping in his fit of tears, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I did wrong and I just want to talk to him.”

“Hey hey, first things first, you did nothing wrong Harry. Maybe you didn’t talk about what was happening between the two of you but that fault lies with both of you.”

Louis sighs then, deep enough that Harry moves with him, “I just wish I could fix this for you. Go knock Liam up over the side of the head or summat but since he’s decided to fall off the map I can’t.”

“Did you - I mean he could be at his flat?”

Louis shakes his head, “Got Niall staking the place, he’d call if Li was around.”

Harry can’t help himself, he laughs, loud and brash and he may snort. He’s practically shaking with it and by the time he’s calmed down enough to breathe he can see Louis’s smiling ear to ear but he’s got a curious expression.

“It’s just, _staking the place_ , you sound like someone from M16.”

Louis laughs, looking rather pleased with himself, “Well in way...” he trails off, nudging Harry in the ribs and Harry just laughs again.

Eleanor comes over as promised, mixes together one of the best fry ups Harry’s ever had. They wind up on the couch afterward. Eleanor had planned on leaving the two of them alone but Harry absolutely insisted she stayed. He’s cuddled up between them now, El on his right and Louis on his left and the pain in his chest isn’t so bad.

He feels a bit better by the time he’s heading off to bed, enough so that he sleeps in the guest bedroom. Both Lou and El look a bit unconvinced, like he’s going to fall to pieces the second he’s alone.

It’s easy enough though, to fall asleep, the bed’s big and comfortable and the sheets are soft and smell of lavender. Nevermind the fact that he’s absolutely exhausted.

It’s also easy enough to dream, it’s just unfortunate he can’t control them.

+

The days start bleeding together. The next just as similar to the last. Lou and Eleanor coddle him, cooking for him and they manage to go through a new box of tea in just under a week. Louis complains that they’re going to wear out his _Love Actually_ dvd but never threatens to stop it. Harry cries every time they watch it.

He’s snuggled up into Louis’s chest now, sleeping, and Louis thinks about how it’s something that Harry’s resulted in doing a lot lately. He knows it’s just Harry’s way of running from his sadness, because for some blessed reason, Harry never has nightmares, and Louis knows now, that reality is much worse than the worlds Harry’s head is creating.

Eleanor is singing softly in the kitchen, the smell of chicken filling up the flat and Louis hears his stomach rumble in response. He stares at his phone, screen blurring as his eyes lose focus. He’s been staring at Liam’s twitter for too long now. Daring Liam with his mind to tweet something, anything, but he hasn’t. He won’t.

Liam’s own mother doesn’t even know where he’s at. The whole situation is maddening.

He grumbles under his breath, tossing his phone further down the couch and carefully pushing Harry’s curls away from his forehead. He doesn’t want to wake him, this is the only time of day that he’s guaranteed Harry won’t cry. There’s only so much of watching his best friend sob that Louis’s heart can take.

Eleanor curses suddenly, loudly and she’s got Louis’s attention immediately.

“El!” Louis says, voice barely above a whisper.

Nothing.

“Eleanor!” he says louder and Harry stirs slightly against his chest.

She stomps into the living room but the effect is lost considering she weighs nothing and her attempt at stomping sounds about as loud as cat sauntering into the room.

“I would scream if Harry wasn’t asleep.” She whispers harshly, shoving her phone into Louis’s face so he can see why she’s so upset.

_WE ARE TOTALLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!! :DDD XX_

Louis doesn’t understand at first because isn’t this good news? Somebody is getting back together with someone and that probably means celebratory drinks and Louis’s all on board for that. It isn’t until he looks up at the sender that his confusion slips into anger.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He growls, shooting daggers at Danielle’s name as it stares back at him from Eleanor’s screen. He suddenly wishes Harry was asleep in his guest room so Louis could properly react to this news, a reaction that includes throwing something, something that would break, cursing and maybe having a shot of vodka just get the edge off his nerves.

“He’s been hold up at Danielle’s place?”

Eleanor nods, looking so upset Louis’s surprised steam isn’t coming out of her ears.

He scrambles a bit before realizing he still doesn’t want to wake Harry. He pushes with his feet instead, trying to reach his phone but it’s useless, Harry’s weight is holding him down and it’s too far out of reach.

“El, gimme my phone, I’m calling Liam.”

She scoffs and may roll her eyes before turning on her heel and leaving the room, “Let me handle this, you just babysit Harry.”

+

Eleanor has known from practically day one that when Perrie gets upset her accent gets thicker. But now, hearing her over the phone, what with how fast she’s talking it’s almost impossible to understand her. She’s repeating things back over to Zayn and Niall, cursing under her breath and saying things like _this is fucking ridiculous_ and _Zayn if you don’t hit him in the dick I will_.

Niall makes an agreeable noise to that.

Through all of this, the five of them have become so desperately protective of Harry that it reminds Eleanor of a group of lions protecting their one and only cub. As that thought passes she thinks about how that perfectly that describes them.

“Go and get ‘im!” Perrie says, breaking Eleanor away from her thoughts. In the background, she can hear a door closing.

Perrie’s good about keeping Eleanor up to date with what’s happening over at her and Zayn’s flat. Even sends her a sneaky picture of Liam after Zayn’s kidnapped him. He’s wrapped up in blankets, eyes so red and puffy they stand out clear as day despite the low quality picture. How he got Danielle to believe he was even remotely happy is beyond her.

She feels sorry for Liam, but at the same time, doesn’t understand how he can be so stupid. She doesn’t know why he left Harry the way he did, no one does because Liam’s taken on a vow of silence only broken up by the occasional sob.

Zayn tells her Liam’s phone hasn’t stopped beeping since he got there and it’s Niall who finally has to turn the thing off and hide it so Liam doesn’t just turn it back on.

+

Niall comes over the next day and curls up against Harry where he’s sleeping in the guest bed. Harry moves into him immediately, body melting into Niall’s touch and Niall reaches up to rub at Harry’s earlobe, a button he’d learnt to push way back when Harry first came to Ireland with him. On cue, Harry sighs, body buzzing in a way that Niall would consider him purring.

Eleanor stops by the doorway, hair still wet from when she’d gotten out the shower just a few moments ago. Louis’s run out to Tesco for food and beer because Niall’s told them he plans on staying for a night or two and Louis, who was bouncing off the walls with being held inside his own house for so long, jumped at the errand of getting groceries.

“How’s it going with Liam?” she asks, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

Niall sighs, “He still really hasn’t said anything but I - well I took his phone and listened to some of the voicemails he’s got.” He shakes his head, “There was one that he was playing over and over before I took it away from him and fuck, it’s Harry and he’s crying and asking why and he says he’s sorry over ten times and I had to stop myself from throwing the damn thing at Liam’s fucking head the moment it ended.”

“I think –” Eleanor starts but stops to work the wording in her head, “Liam’s scared.”

Niall’s about to interject so she continues quickly.

“Like, with Danielle, everything was easy and they started seeing each other when Liam was so young. It was comfortable, safe, known but now with Harry. Everything’s scary and new and unexplored and if they mess this up it could fuck the whole band up and you know out of everyone that’s the last thing Liam wants.”

“Liam should also know –because he’s known Harry for years – that Harry’s heart is on his sleeve and the fact that he fucked Harry and left the next morning… I just want to know what universe he was living in that made that seem like the next best move.”

“I know, I’m not giving him an out for what he did, I just can understand him being scared.”

Niall nods but stays quiet. He’s angry with Liam and talking about it is only going to get his anger flaring faster. Harry is still snoring against his collarbone, lashes fanned out against his cheeks. The bed shifts as Eleanor gets up, promises of Chicken Marsala for dinner on her lips before shutting the door quietly as she leaves.

Niall pulls Harry in closer, shifts onto his back and Harry follows easily, stretching his arm across Niall’s waist, fingers clinging desperately at his hip, and burying his head in the crock of Niall’s neck.

“Liam,” Harry murmurs, a happy tone of voice and the ache that hits Niall’s chest so fast would have knocked him to his knees. “Missed you Li.” Harry continues and Niall’s not even sure Harry’s even awake, which maybe makes his heart hurt even more.

“Christ,” He says under his breath, voice cracking just the littlest bit.

Harry stirs at the sound of his voice, nestling in further to Niall’s embrace, “Love you.” He says and Niall has to bite down on this lip to stop himself from crying. He’s absolutely going to murder Liam when he gets back to Zayn and Perrie's.

+

Niall finds himself actually stomping up the walk to their place. The only thing that’s been playing over in his mind since it happened is how Harry’s voice had sounded when he’d said Liam’s name and Niall’s had enough. He’s sick of people (read Liam) running from their feelings.

He’d like to burst the door open but it’s locked and his anger is halted for a moment as he waits for someone to open the door. Perrie gets there first, working the lock open and Niall tries to not look cross with her.

“How’s Harry?” She asks, stepping aside to let him in but Niall doesn’t answer.

“Where’s Liam?”

She sighs and throws her thumb over her shoulder to the living room couch and Niall can just make out the shape of a sad burrito blanket that’s become one of his best friends.

“You are an absolute wanker.” He says, storming into the room and Liam jumps at the intensity of his voice. “Fucking christ Liam, Harry’s over at Louis’s crying his eyes out, sleeping damn near every day away and he said your fucking name in his sleep the other day!”

Liam’s eyes go wide then, shocked to the core.

“I would beat sense into ya if you weren’t a best mate, but fuck Liam. Get your shit together. Harry wants to be with you and because of your own stupid doing he thinks it’s all his fault that you’re not talking to him.”

“He said my name in his sleep?”

Zayn’s firm hand is on his shoulder then, keeping him grounded. He breathes out of his nose to stop himself from strangling Liam.

“Will you please just go over to Louis’s and talk to Harry?” Zayn asks and Liam’s nodding, getting caught up in the blankets as he tries as fast as he can to make it to the front door.

Niall throws something at his head as he walks past, mumbles what sounds like _jesus_ under his breath and when Liam looks down at what just hit him he finds a bottle of lube. The heat rushes to his cheeks in an instant but he picks it up anyway and makes toward the door.

“Oh Liam!” Perrie says just as he’s about to leave.

He turns to face her and asks with his eyebrows.

“If you ever show up on my couch and turn back into that sad pathetic blanket burrito I will geld you.”

There is very little doubt in his mind that she’s kidding.

He catches a cab and bounces his leg the whole way there. He feels stupid, well he’s felt stupid since about half way through that plane ride home when his logical brain finally caught up with him. But more stupid now, knowing that Harry’s been crying and saying _his name_ in his sleep and thinking about it Liam’s a bit surprised that no one actually did hit him.

He rings the doorbell when he arrives, waits a second and starts knocking, presses the button two more times and is about to knock again when Louis answers the door.

“What the bloody fuck?” His eyes go a bit comically wide when he sees Liam before they slip into slits and Liam swallows thickly under the heated gaze.

“I’d like to talk to Harry.”

Louis’s gaze doesn’t change but he moves aside to give Liam enough room step into the house. Louis shuts the door before grabbing hold of the collar of Liam’s shirt. “If you make him cry one more time Payne I swear to god I’m going to castrate you.”

He wants to joke about how Perrie had threatened almost the same thing but Louis doesn’t look like he’s in any laughing mood. Eleanor patters into the entryway at the sound of all the ruckus and stops short when she sees Liam.

“Oh.” Is all she says before reaching forward and unwinding Louis’s fingers from Liam’s shirt. “We will be just down the hall Liam. Harry’s in the guest bedroom.” She says and drags Louis down the hall to their bedroom.

“I’ll be able to hear every word you say so don’t fuck this up!” Louis threatens and Liam steels himself as much as possible before venturing down towards the room Harry’s in. He knocks softly but the door is ajar and swings open under his fist.

Harry twists over in bed, hair mussed up against the pillow and as he recognizes Liam’s face he bolts up right. “Liam.” And he sounds amazed, scared, as if he fears he’s only imagining Liam standing in the threshold of the room. “What are you –”

“I’m sorry!” Liam cuts in then feels stupid. He shakes his head and he’s sure he can hear Louis sigh from off in the distance and mumble _idiot_. “I mean, well no I am sorry but I was so fucking stupid Harry. You scared me, the way you made me feel scared me and I – I was a wanker and ran.”

He walks slowly over to the bed, watches Harry for any apprehension before gingerly kneeling down on the edge of the mattress. “I wanted you so intensely, like I was drunk off you – well, I still am – but I was just scared because of the band, because you’re one of my best mates and I love you and I don’t want to fuck things up by becoming involved.”

Harry smiles, “ _Involved_ ,” he muses back, sounding amused.

Liam rolls his eyes but smiles despite himself.

Harry reaches out for his hand and the butterflies Liam hasn’t felt since Cambodia come swarming back by the hundreds. “You really hurt me.” Harry whispers, thumb sweeping over Liam’s knuckles and he’s got his head down and Liam feels like he’s too scared to look him in the eye.

Liam drops his head as well, he’s embarrassed at what he’s done, the weight of it finally sitting on his shoulders. He’s never taken the time to truly think about how what he’d done had affected Harry and hearing Harry say it out loud is what finally makes it real to him.

“I was selfish.” He whispers.

Harry nods, but his fingers dig into Liam’s palm, like he’s afraid that if he were to let go Liam would disappear again.

“I wasn’t thinking about how leaving you alone in that hotel room would be for you.”

“Liam, waking up alone that morning was one of the worst days of my life. You abandoned me.”

Liam nods, feeling even more ashamed of himself. “I’m so sorry. I was immature, I was scared and I know that’s no excuse for what’s been done but I want to do anything within my ability to make it up to you, for as long as you need.”

Harry shakes his head, “I don’t want you to make it up to me, I want you to promise to not do it again, promise not to leave without an explanation.”

Liam’s head spins as he tries to work out the thoughts he wants to say out loud. Harry’s gaze heavy on him and without thinking he leans forward, shifting himself closer and Harry follows his lead easily.  Their foreheads meet and as Liam watches Harry’s eyes slip shut he finds the words he’s looking for. “I won’t leave you, I promise.”

Harry lips twitch upward and when he opens his eyes they’re practically dancing. “Say it. Say it and mean it Liam.”

Liam pulls Harry’s hand to his mouth and kisses each individual knuckle. “I promise to never leave you like that again. I promise to never walk out without a word and I promise to start telling you how I feel instead of running.”

Harry’s satisfied with that answer, Liam’s sure of it due the tiny whine that escapes his throat and the fact that Harry’s pushing into his lap, lips firm against his own. His fingers come up almost automatically to twine into Harry’s curls, tugging and pulling him impossibly closer.

“I missed you so much.” Harry says against his lips, fingers digging under Liam’s shirt. They’re demanding, pulling the fabric and Liam has no choice but lean away to let Harry pull his shirt over his head.

“I’m so fucking stupid.” Liam says, pushing Harry down onto the bed. Harry shimmies out of his shirt as well before reaching down to work open his fly but Liam’s impatient. He reaches for the waist of Harry’s trousers and pulls. They slide off easily enough, Harry’s barely got any hips as it is. Harry chuckles from deep in his chest, lips turned up and dimples etching out his cheeks. “To think we coulda been doing this the whole time and instead I went had a meltdown.”

“Stop talking.” Harry says.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” And Harry makes sure he can’t respond be leaning up and kissing him. But almost as soon as their lips touch Harry’s pulling away. “Shit. I um – no lube. Maybe Louis –”

“No!” Louis shouts, and soon enough he’s in doorway, “It would have been great for you guys to close the door though.” He’s feigning being actually upset, there’s a smile playing on his lips and with a quick wink he pulls it shut.

“I actually have…” Liam starts, pulling out the bottle Niall had chucked at his head.

“Oh thank god.” Harry says, reaching between them to get at the zip of Liam’s jeans and get them off. “On your back.” He demands, placing a hand on Liam’s shoulder and Liam gives, rolling over and watching as Harry stripes off his underwear and goes to do the same for Liam.

After their pants are long forgotten on the floor, Harry straddles Liam’s waist and reaches for the lube that’s rolled down the bed in their movement. “Gonna ride you.” he says, popping the cap and wetting his fingers.

Liam’s breath catches audibly in his throat when he realizes he’s going to lay back and watch while Harry finger fucks himself open. He can see it in Harry’s face when his finger slips inside, sees how Harry’s eyelashes flutter and just catches the slight jerk of his cock.

With his free hand, Harry leans forward, placing it on Liam’s chest and rocking his hips back against his prodding fingers. “Feels so good.”

Liam shivers, hands reaching up to grip at Harry’s hips. “Harry I don’t have a condom.”

Harry hums, seemly undeterred by the information.

“Maybe Lou…” Liam implies but Harry merely shakes his head, a small gasp slipping past his lips as he crooks his fingers just right.

“Want you to come in me Liam.”

Liam usually prides himself in his self-control, but it shatters like glass at Harry’s words. He groans, fingers digging deeper into Harry’s hips and Harry moans in return.

“Yeah, mark me Liam, want everyone to know who I belong to.”

“Fucking hell Harry.” Liam replies. Eyes dropping to watch as Harry’s cock drips a bit of precome onto Liam’s stomach. He’s so hard, cock almost purple at the tip and Liam’s stomach muscles clench tight as he watches another tiny droplet bubble up from the slit and drop.

Harry pulls his hand away then, whining a tiny bit at the loss, but grabbing for the bottle and reaching behind himself to slick up Liam’s cock. Liam’s hips jump at the friction and Harry gets a wicked smile on his face as he slows his hand down considerably.

“God damn tease.” Liam slurs through gritted teeth.

Harry smiles wider but he’s brushing the blunt head of Liam’s cock against his hole so Liam can’t find much to complain about anymore. He lowers himself slowly, bottom lip caught firmly between his teeth and nostrils flaring. Once he’s settled down, arse pressed against Liam’s thighs he exhales shakily and presses his hands flat against Liam’s chest.

“You’re still a lot.” He breathes and Liam can feel Harry fluttering around his cock. Harry’s dick has softened just a bit and Liam reaches down to thumb at the head and stroke him slowly back to full hardness.

The pressure on his cock starts to loosen some as a result. He can see Harry’s muscles starting to relax and his hips are shifting forward in tiny increments, trying to follow Liam’s hand. Harry starts moving then, thighs trembling as he rocks his hips up before sinking back down. Liam lets his hand move back to Harry’s waist and does his best to guide Harry on his dick. He looks gorgeous Liam thinks, all pale skin and black ink and hard cock.

“I’ve never done this.” Harry says, laughing quietly and Liam smiles.

“I’d have never guessed. You look so good Harry, born to ride me I think.”

Harry whimpers at the praise, lifting himself further off Liam’s cock every time he moves. He feels so full, so stretched but it’s _so good_. He angles his hips after a bit, getting Liam’s cock to rub against his insides like he wants. He leans back, resting a hand on Liam’s thigh so he can get a good movement going, get the long slide of Liam’s cock to brush against his prostate every time he shifts.

“So good.” He moans, hand reaching down to get a hold on his cock. Liam knocks it away though, wrapping his own fist around the hot, hard flesh instead and that’s what Harry needs.

Liam’s thrusting up into him now, feet planted as best as possible into the mattress to give him leverage.

“Fuck, c’mere Harry.” Liam grunts.

Harry falls forward, muscles trembling as the motion of his hips goes frantic. He tips his head up, lips parted and begging for Liam to kiss to him. Liam does, pokes his tongue into Harry’s mouth and moans when Harry sucks on it, teeth scraping against it as they kiss.

It doesn’t take much then, a few more good strokes from Liam and Harry’s spurting come between them, shaking with it as Liam thrusts go mad, chasing his own release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Liam whines. Harry’s still moving against him, milking every last bit of his orgasm and these tiny aborted squeaks are tumbling out of his mouth, pleasure starting to dance on the fine line of sensitivity.

“Come on Li, fill me up, wanna feel you come.”

Liam seals his lips against Harry’s to not only shut Harry up but to cover the embarrassing sound that he was sure to make as he comes. His cock pulses, spilling wetly inside Harry and Harry moans as he feels it, the warm splash deep inside.

Liam goes lax against the bed afterwards, hearting pounding in his chest as his brain starts to clear. Harry crawls off him slowly, carefully before snuggling into his side. He reaches behind himself, feeling where he’s open and wet from Liam and although Liam’s just come he can feel his cock jerk at the sight.

“I’m so wet.” Harry says in awe, trembling as he brushes against his sensitive rim.

Arousal sparks low in Liam’s gut and he feels he’s about to make a world record for getting hard again so fast. “You’ve got to stop talking.” He says, grabbing Harry’s chin between his thumb and pointer to tip his head up and kiss him.

Harry smiles against Liam’s mouth, biting playfully at Liam’s bottom lip.

“So,” Harry says after they’ve pulled apart. “was thinking we could go to Russia next, or like Iceland. You know, just so long you don’t disappear on me again.”

Harry’s trying to make light of the situation but Liam can hear the way his voice wavers with the tiniest bit of uncertainty. “I won’t. I promise you I won’t.” He leans in and peppers Harry’s face with kisses until Harry’s giggling and batting him away. “And I think Russia sounds fun.”

“Liam?” Harry asks.

“Yes?”

Harry’s face cracks into a grin and he starts singing, “Have you heard, there’s a rumor in St. Petersburg!?”

“Oh for christ’s sake,” Liam says, reaching up and pulling Harry back into his chest, putting a hand over his mouth just to get him to stop singing. “You are such a moron.” He whispers fondly and he can feel Harry’s lip form into a smile against his palm. He sighs, trying and failing to let it show on his face at how endeared he is by Harry, “All right Anastasia, we’ll go once upon a December.”

Harry laughs against Liam’s hand, sweeping his tongue to lick at Liam’s palm. Liam drops his hand immediately, wiping it against the sheets in mock disgust.

“You’re impossible.”

“You love me.”

Liam does. “I could never go on without you, green eyes.” He whispers, sweeping Harry’s curls from his face and leaning in to place a soft kiss at the corner of Harry’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big ol' shout out to [Kat](http://helloimthedoctor.tumblr.com/) again for being the awesomest. Thanks babycakes!
> 
> Also I feel I should thank Angels Fall for their song "Drunk Enough" because it helped me write the angsty/feelings stuff and it's a really good song, you all should go listen to it.


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